This is part 1 of an examination of various forms of narcissism. Part 2 will be available soon.
Narcissism is increasingly problematic because it is part of a broader cultural trend that afflicts more and more of us, and yet also makes us blind to its realities. In the age of social media, everyone is afflicted with some narcissistic traits, which is why we must look at not just its most visible manifestations, but its most subtle ones too, the ones that we carry unknowingly.
The most obvious form of narcissism is the self-obsession and shallowness which we can find in the "jocks" and "popular kids" of those dreadful teenager stories we were exposed to. The more subtle form of narcissism comes from the writers of those same stories, who portray themselves through their self-inserts as outcasts of a world driven by status, often for being too intelligent compared to their peers.
Therefore we should be careful of having too narrow of a concept of what narcissism is, because it can make us blind to how we ourselves are narcissistic. The concept of narcissism is supposed to help us be more conscious and have loving relationships with other people, and yet the knowledge of what it is can become yet another trait to add to the mask of our personality. I am so much better than everyone else because I can see how narcissistic they are! You wouldn't understand my problems because unlike me, you weren't traumatized by a narcissistic mother!
The simplest provisional definition I can come up with right now is that narcissism is mainly about upholding self-image over simply living, it's a habit of attention rather than any particular action of belief. This is a tad cliché I know, but the problem is that the ego always finds a way to interpret definitions so as to not examine itself. Self-deception is far more intelligent than we often give it credit for, which is why I need a list of many examples to show just how broad and subtle this whole thing can be.
The most facile targets of narcissism are still worth mentioning: the people who are obsessed with their appearance, their achievements, their wealth and their possessions. Social media has accentuated pride and envy to a degree which is hard to fully grasp. Images have such a powerful influence on us that seeing a group of (seemingly) happy people around a sports car and a big house does have an effect on us, whether we like it or not, which is of course why advertisements use such crude tricks.
By default, we are still ruled by our apish tendencies. This does not mean we are confined to being unconscious creatures—which monkeys aren't, but even the most conscious monkey isn't anywhere near as conscious as the most conscious human—but it does mean that we are ruled by our nervous system far more than our "rational" ideas, and status still drives most of society and what it rewards.
Even when there isn't any overt power dynamics or insecurity within a group, there is still going to be something resembling status in one shape or another, because at its most fundamental status is a signal of who is approved and who is worth emulating. Of course, becoming mature involves the development of a conscious and grounded individuality, 1 the same way that flowers can grow from the same soil and look nothing alike, but in our journey we do need some kind of role model, some type of direction, to make sense of the astounding complexity of life, especially in the modern world which has no coherent moral compass, no orientation to anything of lasting value. 2
Even the spiritual gurus who preach the value of "finding your own path" only say that after they have been inspired, or perhaps directly trained, by some other spiritual teacher. We are not so original that our ideas and actions sit outside of the social matrix we find ourselves embedded in, and those who are obsessed with living "original" lives often end up becoming caricatures of others or even themselves.
What we can learn from this is that mimesis rules us, probably a lot more than we might think, and that a provisional step before attempting to grow one's wings and to fly away from the world is to consciously find better role models, understand what it is about them that we find so great, and how we can embody their quality in their life. Not that qualities can be imitated, just like you can't simply copy an actor's ability to surrender to the moment. But in witnessing their abilities, we find in ourselves a spark which can set ablaze our own capacities, which is the value of a real teacher, a guiding hand in channeling our own truth.
Teenagers are said to be rebellious, but in fact they are deeply conformist, it is simply that they want to impress their friends rather than their parents. It is sometimes laughable how similar the "non-conformist" teenagers can be to one another, and the fact that they are totally blind about it should be a good sign of how easily we can deceive ourselves about how we pretend to be "above" status games and imitation.
Social media then is not just full of the stereotypically shallow girls obsessed with their nails and their outfit, it is also full of "rebels" and "contrarians" who entirely define themselves out of being uniquely special. Their whole gimmick is a paper-thin identity built around critiquing others, a form of counter virtue signalling, because genuine sincerity and appreciation of any kind would reveal the desert of their internal life. 3 They are desperate for attention, something which many people around them can feel but might not be able to articulate, but they would never admit it, which means that they keep playing a game where they are looking for approval but have to pretend to themselves and others that it is not the case.
There is no inherent value in mere difference, although conscious people do tend to be quite unique, but in their character more so than in their outward personality. Great character manifests in one's speech, presence, negative capacity, in the type of questions that they ask themselves, and overall, in their entire life, whereas personality loves to pretend that it is special, and clings to fancy ideas, or outwards appearances, or any gimmick to stand out from the crowd, but underneath that it is the same anxiety, the same lack of discernment, the same lovelessness, the same lack of courage. This is why someone who clings to their personality can switch between all kinds of ideologies within a matter of years, what we could call serial ideologues, because ultimately it doesn't matter what they wear on the outside, or what they believe in, as long as they can distract themselves from their lack of consciousness through approval, comfort, and safety.
The fake rebel repeats the patterns that they inherit from their environment, not by blindly following them, but by blindly going against them, which is why they hate a lot of things but they do not love or fight for anything, because they are still fundamentally possessed by an unconscious momentum, which is why they look for others just like them, because carrying on that momentum with others is far easier than just by yourself.
A great deal of spirituality on the internet, or at least what presents itself as spirituality, is astoundingly narcissistic and status-driven. This is very likely the main thing that regular people—notice the derogatory tone under the word 'regular'—pick up from those "spiritual" people, which makes them think that the whole thing is a sham. Yes, most people are unconscious, and yes, spirituality does point to important truths—not really isolated "things" that you learn but Reality itself—but everyone can feel that there is something wrong with the average spiritual seeker. Something unintegrated, avoidant, dissociated, both highly arrogant but also desperate for approval, which makes them fall for the closest guru who can make them feel important and give them directions in their life.
Have you ever seen the pyramid scheme involving a seeker and guru in action? The way in which someone walks along their path—it's totally their own, even though it looks like everyone else's—from initiate to intermediate to awakened, progresses through all kinds of spiritual practices, up until they can start giving classes and making money from the people who are in the same pyramid scheme, just a few ranks under them. How the guru has a certain tone in their speech, certain mannerisms, all of which get picked up by the students, the way in which everyone involved seems to have severe issues with their own father and tries to fill that void with a spiritual daddy, how they constantly talk about their "spiritual progress" but then ask you for help with their financial problems, how they keep talking about a "next level", a new "awakening", a more advanced technique or system which will definitely solve everything this time, and ultimately, how similar they all are from one another, how they use the same words, the same concepts, and the same tone which tries to be reassuring, grounded, calm and "wise".
I am framing this in bad faith, I realize this. There is a great deal of practical benefits, and beyond that, deeper aspects of Reality which spirituality point towards. But there are many reasons to be suspicious of all of the "spirituality" which is sold to us, such as the structure of funding, how it is incentivized to appeal to disenchanted and burnt out tech people 4, or more relevant here, the constant status games of trying to appear "enlightened", or simply wiser than others.
Spirituality is not at all immune to status games, like every human endeavor it invites corruption and selfishness, and pretending like it is immune to those basic human realities is only damaging it, turning it into a covert game of acquiring status because you are the one who cares the least about status. People witness a wise master sitting on a cushion and beaming his rays of enlightenment onto the crowd, and envision a life for themselves of doing the same a few years from now.
It is not a coincidence that sex scandals appear again and again in the spiritual scene, from people who are supposed to be more conscious than the average person driven by sex, money and status. Anything which tries to promote a view of perfection leads to deep repression, which is why harmony is by and large a better path to pursue, burying the natural desire for sex into one's shadow, which leads to all kinds of neuroses 5 and frustrations. On the other hand, views which frame sexual debauchery as a more "conscious" way of living, for instance a bastardized version of Eastern Tandra, are just as toxic, showing again that the opposite of a terrible idea is hardly better.
It is not enough to simply point the finger at the problems however, because the narcissism found in spirituality points to much deeper societal problems of which those circles try to respond to.
First of all, a lot of people attracted to spirituality are desperate for meaning and community. Toxic movements are often born out of a reaction against a void in the ambient culture, which often makes them react in an extreme fashion—as large collectives do not have access to the discernment which allows conscious people to realize when enough is enough—or exposes them to new problems which couldn't have been anticipated. It is easy to say in hindsight how toxic a spiritual community really was, but if you knew just how aimless and alone someone was before joining it, then the whole story would make a lot more sense. This is why cults exist even when most people know about them, because our need for meaning and community are very deep.
Secondly, the homogenizing forces of the modern world has a way of making us seek some form of specialness in our lives, something which sits outside of the wasteland of our culture, which is very likely why Eastern traditions are so appealing to Western minds, likewise with occultism and anything of that sort. Meditation, rituals, astrology, alchemy, all of those strike us as so much more exotic, and thus interesting, than the dead monotony of the modern world, a life of grinding at meaningless tasks for bullshit rewards.
People want something special about life because the default is so disenchanted, so hollow of any real meaning. They have this recognition that they must be more to life than what the people around them live by, which is why it is not helpful to point the finger at those who fall into the tendency of spiritual narcissism, it is the broader dysfunction of our society which is the real problem. People become insane when the world around them has no real anchors to direct their life, then and only then do they seek to break out, no matter what it takes, even into dangerous uncharted territories.
1 As opposed to the insecure uniqueness that afflicts so many young people today. Individuality is about one's character, whereas uniqueness is about one's personality, which is why the latter loves to present itself as special, so different from the others, but it is utterly hollow.
2 Conversely, we can think of how the monotheistic, moralistic and transcendent God (of Abrahamic religions for instance) allows status-driven societies (arguably all of civilization is status-driven) to have a role model to orient their decisions and actions, without having to be incarnated as a finite person who is necessarily mortal, flawed and corruptible. This is far from the only role of religion of course, but I think it is an important one.
3 And when they try to express positivity of any kind, it sounds fake, stiff, or it becomes a caricature of what genuine happiness or joy looks like. Cynicism and romanticization are often two sides of the same coin.
4 What better people to target than those with lots of money and lots of personal problems? Spiritual people might talk about the need to lead slower, more embodied lives, closer to nature and real community, yet a lot of their income often comes from the people whose work is directly aligned with the direction of the technological system, the programmer types who earn a lot but who are riddled with personal issues. Hence, the worldviews that preach Techno-Dharma as a way to appeal to those people, and for them to rationalize a "synthesis" between technology and spirituality.
5 For instance, most of Sigmund Freud's patients were young women who were plagued with the neuroses resulting from sexual repression, which is probably why his theories talk about sex so much, because it is indeed a very strong force in our lives if we do not handle it consciously.
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Narcissism Fakerebel Spiritualnarcissism Cults Mimesis Status
2026-03-13