People who feel constrained by shame will attempt to constrain others by shame. 3
From a tweet by Visa.
Noticing how often, people's concerns when you share something you want to do says far more about them than anything about you. They are trying to convince themselves that whatever you want is impossible, because it gives them a justification as to why they're small, scared, and are not getting a result they might want, etc. This is simply because bullshitting oneself is far easier than actually changing one’s life, and the ego tends to pursue the path of least resistance in maintaining itself, i.e. survival at lowest cost.
I think the ability to notice how other people try to make you carry their baggage, their shame, beliefs and fears, has been immensely helpful in my life. Most of the time I try to remove fearmongering people from my life, but even the best have their insecurities, and sometimes I do the same to other people, so the discernment is still very much needed.
In general, I notice that human beings don't interact with Reality, they interact with their social reality, which is the first interfacing layer. The second interfacing layer is that they don't even interact with the social reality, but their own internalized shame landscape which limits what they believe is acceptable, or even possible.
So people bound by shame will believe that they are simply dealing with reality and not just an internalization that resulted from certain experiences, which might or might not be relevant in the current situation, which means that learning to dissolve shame can feel like opening up reality in a sense.
2 In the wrong context, “acceptance” is merely fear or plain old apathy, clearly not a virtue.
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2024-12-14