Problems are more fun than peace to the restless ego
Within the modern world, drama is exalted over the ability to solve one’s problems directly without adding any nonsense. In TV shows for instance, this is rather clear, as many of them are built around characters who fundamentally cannot communicate honestly, and resort to all forms of deception and roundabout strategies to get what they 'want', but ultimately don't, which is yet another form of drama.
Problematic people are more entertaining than healthy ones, claim those who will defend this trend. While I won't argue that drama is indeed more gripping, and in a way more entertaining, I think it's worth asking ourselves why this form of entertainment is so important in the first place. Are people just bored and look for problems to add some spice to their life?
Frankly, I would answer that with a straight 'yes'. Most people don't want to solve their problems because they probably derive a great deal of meaning from struggling with them 1. I am not saying this is the only reason for that trend - things rarely happen because of a single cause - but I think it's a major factor, and one that few people will admit. People enjoy the struggle to change because:
§1 Deep change is fundamentally a form of death - a leap into the unknown and the end of your former identity. The ego comes up with many many strategies to avoid that, and distraction through drama is one of them. In specific actions, we have: constant gossiping 2, acting emotions as opposed to feeling them or expressing them - like slamming a door to really, really show you're angry, instead of dealing with it consciously - or focusing on any detail of what could be considered antagonism, which often results in blatant misunderstanding. 3
§2 As mentioned before, struggle gives a sense of meaning and aliveness, which are both lacking in our culture. It's simply way more fun to scream at other people, even if you have to hallucinate yourself into antagonizing them, than it is to just tend to your own garden. Except if you are the type of person who doesn't enjoy drama for its own sake.
It is interesting to notice that some people's comfort zone is not peace or time with their loved ones, rather it is being outraged, constantly angry, or constantly busy. I suspect that those forms of homeostasis have to do with an unconscious repetition of childhood patterns, but I can’t say for sure in the general case, and I don't think I care too much anyway. I simply don't want drama-chasing people in my life, even if they do so unconsciously. 4
§3 Change is often quite difficult, and focusing on that rather than getting better is much easier for the ego, in the sense of minimizing cognitive dissonance. Have you ever heard a student who doesn't like a subject say: "I'll study just a bit to get a passing grade and get it done over with." No, instead they start becoming very emotional about it, build an identity around that situation: "I'm just not a math person", or they don't do anything at all and are proud about it: "Bro I nearly got a passing grade without studying, I'm so smart!", or they start building a story about how the subject is useless anyway. While I share the sentiment of the futility of school, what's happening here is someone who wishes to excuse themselves so as to not change their behavior, rather than genuine critique of the education system.
Besides the loathing of change, drama is also incentivized by our media, such as social media and TV shows. Those tend to filter for extremes, because they get the most people talking and reacting with fervor. It is the same strategy used by pornography in fact: subtlety and wholesomeness encourage consciousness to slow down, expand and appreciate, whereas outrage and other similar negative and mechanical reactions lead consciousness to narrow down and quickly flip between novel sources of stimulation.
This is incredibly problematic because human beings are very prone to imitate what they see, whether it comes from real people or fictional characters. The idea that someone might constantly lie, evade their problems, or be controlling because the characters they're watching do the same might sound dumb, until you see it in others around you, or yourself. Humans aren't that sophisticated at the end of the day, and a lot of what we do is not much more than pure mimesis. 5
A culture that is obsessed with TV shows then develops a strange belief: that it is more admirable to go from being a terrible person to being good, than it is to be good all throughout your life. And that having such a 'character arc' is what all storytelling is about 6. Needless to say, this is yet another form of drama, which again is repeated in real life.
Hurting others and 'excusing yourself' - i.e. managing the damage without truly looking at yourself - is promoted over continual dialogue and actually paying attention to what you do and say. Of course, no one is perfect, but the difference in intention is massive.
And finally, within this same culture we find what I would call the performative nature of the internet, which also bleeds into real life. Rather than using conversations to learn more about one another or the world, many devolve into contests for approval, usually in the form of plainly insulting others. Again, it is just so much more "fun" to talk shit about people you don't like because then your internet "friends" will give you so many likes, and isn’t that what life is about? Not really no. There is always the choice of focusing and building on what one wants to see in the world, in which case the drama is at its worst utterly sickening, and its best kind of sad to witness. Often the best move in life is to walk away from those situations and pursue what one genuinely wants, a move which is fortunately always available to us.
1 Or they straight up enjoy it. See the book 'Existential Kink' that expands on this idea, so as to understand your inner resistance better, and see that many things we call problems are in fact just us getting what we want, but not what we consciously want however.
2 A form of hell if I say so myself. Like the attempt to fill time and silence, as if those things were enemies to constantly battle.
3 Ever noticed how some people on social media constantly misinterpret others and straight up misquote them? Even more twisted is that a lot of individuals get stuck in bubbles that reinforce the outrage that comes from fervently disagreeing with other people, because that tends to attract other similar people who see nothing wrong with this dynamic.
4 I mean most harm is done unconsciously I’d say. This does not excuse it, and either way, I’d rather not spend my finite life with people who can’t help themselves but hurt others around them.
5 I'd say, rather than fight that, use that to your advantage and surround yourself with people who you respect and media that grows you.
6 I do believe that growth is a rather essential part of storytelling, or at least the type of stories I'm drawn towards, but growth doesn't have to be about going from being an awful being to being slightly less so, it can be about mustering courage to face one's demons, developing nuance in one's worldview or becoming a more whole and loving individual.
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2024-01-24